Sunday, August 12, 2018

A hello from many years later

I had long forgotten about this blog. So you probably have too.
But if anyone should happen to wonder and wander and stumble across it, this is a hello from four years into the future.
Where I am still free. Still no opiates wanted or needed. No pharmaceuticals. No medications. Freedom!
But life does not always go as planned, even on the other side of drug addiction. 
I used to write about motherhood. A dream and longing, that lay in sparkly promise for the Tui who could be free from drugs. 
It seems Mother Nature has other ideas for me. 
I can feel my heart sighing as I write this. The doctors in their ignorance have not been kind to my body, and now say it is unlikely I will ever conceive. 
The dream of children kept me going through the darkest times, so perhaps they do exist, in another plane. Maybe we are just separated in this life.
And then, there are also miracles. This journey has taught me that. 
It has also taught me not to trust doctors, their advice, their interventions, their diagnoses. If I had continued on that path I would still be leaking blood and salty tears onto the bathroom floor, trying to find a vein. Instead I have learnt to trust in Nature and her wisdom.
I no longer work in advertising, crafting half truths to feed a corrupt system. 
May it all come crashing down. May all beings be free.
I live simply, try my best and offer care to others as I can. I give time to the secrets of valley mist and cloud, friendships with insects, and the whispered messages of plants.  
Deepest thanks to iboga and the magic and mystery and great love of the universe.
And thank you to you for witnessing my journey.