Sunday, August 12, 2018

A hello from many years later

I had long forgotten about this blog. So you probably have too.
But if anyone should happen to wonder and wander and stumble across it, this is a hello from four years into the future.
Where I am still free. Still no opiates wanted or needed. No pharmaceuticals. No medications. Freedom!
But life does not always go as planned, even on the other side of drug addiction. 
I used to write about motherhood. A dream and longing, that lay in sparkly promise for the Tui who could be free from drugs. 
It seems Mother Nature has other ideas for me. 
I can feel my heart sighing as I write this. The doctors in their ignorance have not been kind to my body, and now say it is unlikely I will ever conceive. 
The dream of children kept me going through the darkest times, so perhaps they do exist, in another plane. Maybe we are just separated in this life.
And then, there are also miracles. This journey has taught me that. 
It has also taught me not to trust doctors, their advice, their interventions, their diagnoses. If I had continued on that path I would still be leaking blood and salty tears onto the bathroom floor, trying to find a vein. Instead I have learnt to trust in Nature and her wisdom.
I no longer work in advertising, crafting half truths to feed a corrupt system. 
May it all come crashing down. May all beings be free.
I live simply, try my best and offer care to others as I can. I give time to the secrets of valley mist and cloud, friendships with insects, and the whispered messages of plants.  
Deepest thanks to iboga and the magic and mystery and great love of the universe.
And thank you to you for witnessing my journey.


Blogger Absolut Ruiness said...

This post has brought such a smile to my face, not your disappointment, just your presence. You might not believe me when I say that I checked your blog every 2 months or so since the last post and was fervently hoping that your absence doesn't mean that you are not fine. Love you Tui! Since you want children so much, you could grant life to any fortunate child that you choose. I'm sure that thought has occurred to you but you must have stashed it to some corner of the subconscious, to be dealt with when the need arises. Im so proud and happy for the turn in your life sweety! Keep reading nature, keep singing to it. It WILL sing back.

3:34 AM  
Anonymous Tui said...

Thank you my beautiful friend from afar. I am still uncovering my path and purpose in this world. It is such an amazing journey. I love your advice... Nature does sing back, yes! A big thank you for your support and wise words. <3

5:18 PM  
Blogger Kim said...

Hi Tui,

I'm in NY, brain dead in my hotel room scrolling randomly through old bookmarks. I see your blog and click on the link. There is a recent post from you, you're well, a smile washes over my face.

If you would like, please contact me at mcgirl_parisatyahoodotcom.

Mercurial Girl

10:23 PM  
Blogger Kim said...

Brain Fart

2:49 PM  
Blogger Orval said...

I followed you years ago, when I was in my own addiction. Then it all came crashing down, and I didn't follow much of anything.

By luck and by god and by who knows what, somehow I came out alive, but changed, oh so changed.

I looked back once in a while, sure you were gone for good. As so many people I knew in addiction, and in early recovery were. Gone.

I was cleaning up my bookmarks, gave it one last check, and there you are. Oh. My. God.

I have come to believe, that the single most important thing we can do, we who have come out the other side, is to share the simple fact that recovery is possible. The hows and whys matter less, I think, than that simple message: it does not have to be this way. Because for me, that was the fundamental lie that addiction told me, that it was inevitable, that there was no hope, that that was just how it was.

It turns out this is a lie, for Tui, or for Orval, and for many others.

In serenity


2:42 PM  
Anonymous Tui said...

Hi Orval,

Thank you for your message. I am so glad to hear from you, fellow escapee of the habit!

I do agree. I never knew anyone who had quit and was happy, the doctors repeated dismal statistics... I was convinced I had totally f*cked my life... And that was the hardest part of it all really, the hopelessness. But now I know it's possible. And if it's possible for me, it's possible for anyone.

May many more find their way to freedom.

Love & peace,


12:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I too have followed you for years-- occasionally checking the bookmark and hoping you had posted an update about your wonderful new life. Thank you for the years of inspiration.

8:01 AM  
Blogger Randy "Lazarus"McAtee said...

I'm so pleased to hear you're doing well. It's weird that I ended up here but I woke up early this morning and you came to my mind from reading your blog many years ago - Find Tui is pithy and managed to stick in my mind all these years.

I wish you many years of health and happiness.

7:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

aww Tui, I had been following your blog since 2007 or so. I never commented but I had left a comment on your 2011 post, when you stopped updating it. I remembered you today and thought I'd see if the blog was still up. So great to see that you have a new focus. Also: you have born a new life: yours! Be well!

2:29 PM  

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