Tuesday, February 05, 2008


Okay, okay. So I owe you an update.

Still on the suboxene. Detox didn't proceed as planned. Well, as I planned. The doctor had wanted me to go on "maintenance" from the very beginning. They love that, because it means you're not relapsing over and over and sitting in their office crying your make-up away over and over. To be honest, after so many detoxes and so many relapses in the past six months, I don't know if I can really handle another one. They are fucking depressing. Especially the relapse bit. And the telling your mum you screwed up again bit.

What changed my mind was a phone call. Lots of money, a week of freelance, perhaps leading to more. So I kind of put things (detox-wise) on hold for a bit. It's in my to-do file. It would be drowning in there, if I actually had one.

Money means at last I have a new ibook. I can write properly again. My last one was nicked, I can't remember if I mentioned that. And I swear I won't pawn this one. Ever. Never ever.

Kurt Vonnegut, Iain Banks and Chuck Palahniuck are the main guys keeping me company. Fiction is the closest thing to magic spells I know. I spend most of my time alone, the eye in a storm of colourful daydreams. Yes... yes, I'm hiding.


Blogger TK Kerouac said...

Hope your detox goes well for you, whatever it takes to win the battle

8:47 PM  
Blogger Michelle's Spell said...

Hey Tui,

Seems like a very good idea to put the detox on hold. Nothing wrong with a little delay. Congrats on the freelance stuff! And Chuck P. is great whenever one is doing anything, particularly hiding. Love Haunted -- best portrayal of a writer's conference ever. Take care and good luck with all . . .

7:54 AM  
Blogger Enemy of the Republic said...

You are friends with TK?! I love her. Thanks for the visit. You seem like someone worth knowing and I'm bookmrking you. We have a lot in common. Right now I'm not very good about answering comments on my blog, but I will soon. With your permission I would like to link you and get to know you through your blog.

I am a writer too. And I've been in and out of rehab. You can only do it when you can if that makes sense.

9:40 AM  
Blogger My Daughter's Addiction said...

Hi Tui
Thanks for the comments...My daughter started using 2mg in the morning and 2mg at night. It's working pretty well for her. She feels better now with this dose. She can hang out with her friends and not feel bad or anxious. I think the suboxone will help you too if you can get your dose right. Her Doctor said that she will probably be on the suboxone for a year before she will be able to taper off. It will give her time to heal. All she did the first couple of weeks was sleep...that's what 8mg twice a day did for her. After the dose was lowered she started to feel really good. If you're feeling anxious tell your Doctor so he can up your dose. One thing I've learned through this whole experience is the best way to get through the first month or so is to tell your Doctor how you feel. I'm proud of her and I'm proud of you too...hang in there it gets better with time.

10:46 PM  
Blogger heroine/girl said...

Oh My God. Is that mother not the loveliest, wow. My mum just entered a whole new level of suck.

Thanks Tui, for the message. Yeah, cunts the lot of em. I am on 110mg of Methadone, so I know the place you are at now, the quest for just a sliver of contentment inside ourselves. It has to come and I'm going to keep writing until I am ninety nine and I believe we can live through this.

Just like courtney says.

Love, Love, LOVE you.

5:12 AM  

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