Saturday, January 05, 2008


We sat in the car together, post-shot. Mid argument. He passed me something written on a swab packet.
I sighed, "I can't read your writing."
He pointed to it, "it says, will you engage me..." He indicated to turn it over. ""
I looked up at his face. His eyes were spilling with tears- aglint with something new. I hesitated, my anger fading. He looked worried, and beautiful. I smiled, "you're supposed to say: will you marry me."

I am away from him now for two months. He has to sort out his ex-girlfriend, get her psychiatric help, and bond with his daughter so they can't deny him access. She's just starting to talk, and she's asking for him. He's paying his dues, so he says. And then we'll be together. I hope. I hope.

Meantime, I will detox AGAIN.


Blogger pencapchew said...


It's just a set up Tui, in hindsight, you'll wonder wtf you were thinking.. He's desperate and nobody can keep a clear head through the emotional roller coaster that is opiate addiction. Think really hard about what you're doing and if this is how you really want to live - changing two people is exponentially more difficult than changing one person..

I've been where you are and the best thing I ever did for myself was to leave it all behind..

10:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Whatever becomes of this - Good Luck, TUI!!!

6:04 AM  
Blogger Michelle's Spell said...

Hey Tui,

Best of luck on the new development! Sounds like a very cool proposal -- love the details about the tears and the note. Hang in there!

11:58 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

aww tui. everythings such a drama with you. its a good thing, it makes you feel alive. good luck and be happy.

7:04 PM  
Blogger jsquared said...

looking at blogs, ran across yours...........i'll put up a reading, i can relate

8:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good luck dear Tui, but I'm with Pencapchew, this will infinitely complicate your life and recovery.

10:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You never learn. This, like everything else you do is doomed. It seems the longer you continue to use the farther away from reality you are.

5:58 PM  
Blogger Erik Donald France said...

Good luck, Tui! As for the last anon, we're all "doomed" eventually. Big whoop. Meanwhile . . .

12:03 PM  
Blogger Lazy said...

I just did it AGAIN!

I almost enjoyed it this time, emerging into the painful clarity of time and existence...

How many people get the opportunity to experience being reborn during this life?

All my experience indicates that the pain of being (re)born is worse than the pain of dying...

Take courage, Tui! Time heals many troubles.

Assuming you have gone ahead with your detox you will probably be acutely aware of time at the moment... there's certainly a lot of it, isn't there?

Does your life lurch from crisis to crisis?

Maybe you enjoy it?

After all, if you solved your problems, what would there be to live for?

Anyway, most warmest greetings from London. Hope you're well.

6:27 PM  

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