Sunday, December 09, 2007

So you know

Every morning we pull into the same carpark. stub out our ciggys on the same patch of concrete wall below the no-smoking sign, and push open the heavy doors to the detox clinic. Each day I turn the same water-cooler's plastic lever, foolishly hopeful. Empty. Get swept to a small room through corridors of clutter by a fashion struck young nurse with a nervous too-easy smile and a soft voice. There are three nurses and they are all this way. We sit hands in lap as the opiates dissolve under our tongues. Yes, it's anther detox.

Another fucking detox.

Typing those words something pangs.

Round and round on the merry-go-round. Failure a pit-stop I can't seem to avoid. In fact, I've almost come to expect it, and accept it, with a sickly relief.

Lets keep our minds away from that. Driving home we know where we will stop, heads bowed counting our coins together, linked in routine, nothing needs to be said anymore. It used to be this way with morphine. Now bourbon and colas in the closest park, staring at the blue sky through the leaves.

At some point the day shifts out of focus and another begins.


Blogger Michelle's Spell said...

Hey Tui,

Glad you're back here! I'm sorry to hear about detox -- but as usual, your language is stunningly beautiful and your voice is as true as the blinding Texas sun.

8:59 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't know why I read your blog, I always cry.

Myself, I do wish I could stop drinking, but it isn't as easy an endeavor as I thought at the start.

Addictions basically suck, I guess.

2:13 PM  
Anonymous wasp_catcher said...

methadone in the morning and bourbon cokes all afternoon in the park? I WISH I could do that instead of work :)

12:25 PM  
Blogger Victoria said...

i love your words

1:20 AM  
Anonymous dharmabum said...

thinking of you


2:22 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am proud of you Tui.

7:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

good, proud of u, is that bupe ur on? ive been on bupe for a while now, its great, i got my life back!, stay good. enjoy xmas:)

12:14 AM  
Blogger IVY said...

this is bupe? if so, do you ever get weird strange cramps so tight in your head you cant breath and then suddenly these random lucid clear thoughts?

7:58 AM  

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