Friday, October 10, 2008

Bit more

A little more on my new boyfriend, before I go home for the weekend. It's 5.11 and time is ticking.

He was born addicted to heroin, to a scummy slut of a mother who beat him from a baby, until he was old enough to run away. Eleven. He stole cars then, to survive. That was 19 years ago.

He's surprisingly charming and deft with witticisms, smart, cute. You'd never think all that stuff had happened to him. I'm not sure how he turned out so nice, but somehow he did.

Honestly, it worries me, how he hasn't broken. Unless it's like a dam, with cracks creeping their fingers through the concrete. And I'll be that final crack he can't take.

It's okay for now, I love him back.

But one thing that getting clean has taught me, is that it changes reality. And everything isn't quite so nice anymore, or so easy to love. And fuck it, the shadows are too long already, I can't keep using forever.

It's 5.32, see ya.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Being clean has not changed reality... but your eyes are opened now rather than hazed over...

The trick now is to learn to deal with reality...

9:17 AM  
Blogger Serpica said...

... or craft a reality that inspires you...

9:50 AM  
Blogger Joe said...

Glad you have found love, and I hope all is well...

Sounds a lot better than that guy you wrote about a year or so ago.

2:08 PM  
Blogger rX said...

The thing about 'things' is that they happen and then they make you stronger. You're a star and don't you forget that!! Glad you are happy with your man... I agree with Joe, he does sound a lot better than that guy last year :)

3:33 PM  
Blogger Michelle's Spell said...

Hey Tui,

Your new love sounds great -- something so appealing about a damaged soul that survives relatively intact. Your last paragraph is lovely here -- the line about the shadows is beautiful. Hope you're hanging in there.

9:10 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Glad you are well and apparently well fed. It is sad that your love had such a terrible childhood .If he has not done so I suspect that writing about it would be good for him in a way. As sad as it is though I am sure that it is a big part of what makes him so special.Not that I wouldn't wish things had been better for him. Again glad you are well maybe you could grace us back at the ile sometime. I know many would be delighted. The Count

2:20 PM  
Blogger paul said...

I wouldn't worry about your man. Not that you have told us that much but I get the impression that he has accepted and moved on. My step father had a horrible childhood and you couldn't find a better person on the planet. Just enjoy the love you share. Worry is a waste.

2:36 PM  
Blogger SICKGIRL said...

So very glad to see you updating once again. Welcome back to the land of the existing! How do you like being back to work? Are you still in the same field? Are you still an ocean or two away now from Canada?

peace, love and happiness...


3:00 PM  
Blogger Nicey said...

Its our past that made us who we are, and who is anyone to judge, hope it works for ya

7:43 AM  
Blogger tui said...

Thanks for your comments guys :)

And Count, it's great to hear from you. I hope you're doing well.


1:15 AM  

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