Wednesday, August 30, 2006


I used to believe in magic, crouched, in the garden, looking for fairys. Hand in hand with my invisible twin. Spending hours upon hours building bicycles for tooth fairys. That feeling on Christmas morning, the moment of waking up, of remembering. Of smelling Santa in the air.

Now I believe again. I've found my gate to la la land. But everyone that knows looks at me with sad eyes, and wants to save me. I wish I could lock myself in, bolt the gates behind me.


Blogger ChapFu said...

no answers here. i was never a fan of la la land. i always had this morbid fascination with dismantling things. ideas, structures, arguments, reasons. it ends me up in a grey, lonely place so i don't know how i can advocate it over your warm wash of heroin through your veins.

whatevah. it's nice to know you while we're both still here.

12:48 AM  
Blogger Lx said...

it's always amusing to see how everyone wants to save you, to re-construct you, to help, when they themselves are torn apart and hardly able to face life, on an everyday level.

9:09 AM  
Anonymous Bethany said...

Yeah know what you mean about people trying to save you. I keep slipping back into using but mostly stickin to my script. If I talk to my Mum and she asks how I am and I say 'OK ish' she knows that means I've used again. I just can't stand the look of worry and disapproval, it makes me mad.. People care I suppose but I wish they would care in a way that didn't cause guilt coz feelings of guilt have always caused me to keep using...well that and the fact I like it a lot.

Beth x

11:31 AM  
Anonymous mary said...

I think the guilt we believe other people cause is really all on us to 'not' feel.

It's like when you really know something is right..there's no way in hell anyone or thing can elicit feelings of guilt in you.

Says it all I think.

6:21 PM  

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