My dose of methadone has been upped to 80mgs from 65. I slept all weekend. And yesterday, for the first time in months, I didn't score. This morning, before work, I couldn't risk taking my dose. I'd be fighting to stay awake, and I have some presentations, and a lot of work to get done today. But fuck I'm jittery, without it. It's like having 5 cups of coffee or a too-big shot of coke. My stomach is swimming with nerves. My hands fluttering. My bones are cold, my dress is stuck to me with sweat. I'm drinking chamomile tea, but it's not helping. God I want to run away and inject some warm yellow heroin, sunshine into my veins. Calm, warmth. Okayness.