Saturday, July 29, 2006


I need to find the same excitement drugs gives me, in something else. Sex is good, but that hasn't been part of my life for a long time. My boyfriend can't have an erection unless he's sick, and then things are too sensitive to be fun. I've never found anyting that equals the thrill of heroin. Heroin, my best friend, my lover. That moment of releasing loveliness and safety into my veins, feeling it swoop to my fingertips, tasting it on my tongue. Like slipping under the surface of a warm bath, scented and soft. Distanced from the world. Muting everything. I love swimming underwater, feeling the pressure against my skin, a noiseless world, hair swirling behind me. I never want to come up for air. I would stay down there forever if I could. It's going to be a painful break up.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

why don't you post a pic of your arm with some needle tracks?
so that we know it's not a stolen dowload, lay the arm on a piece of paper that says: told ya so!
of course, your answer to that will be all about how you keep this blog for you and don't need to prove anything to us.
this is a very long creative writing project.
and a poor one, at that.
et tui

9:27 PM  
Anonymous Gabriel-Tui's Angel said...

Maybe, if we could be so fortunate, this blog would be poor enough to keep you away. You are a good reason why close relatives are not allowed to have sex. Tui don't pay attention to genetic rejects like anon. We have Faith in you.


11:43 PM  
Blogger Lx said...

Gabriel, what kind of horn do you blow? i'm picturing a....Bb Trumpet with a warm tone--although it's more recommended for beginners and we know you been blowing for quite a while. So, perhaps a...G Trumpet then. Right?

12:55 PM  
Blogger tui said...

If I put a photo of my arm here you wouldn't believe it anyway. It could be photoshop, or make up, or a friend... I just don't fit some dumb stereotype you have in your head. So please, just don't read. Go bother someone else.

Thanks angel.

2:45 PM  
Anonymous elliott said...

I check your blog daily and have for quite some time. I like anonymous' suggestion. In my mind there is nothing more sexy than a beautiful girl with track marks. I'm not trying to be an ass . I am really attracted to women with tracks.

3:22 PM  
Blogger Mary Blackchurch said...

Hey assinine-ANON-asshole..why don't you dare yourself to be 'unreal' and get a blog/screen name (I've even worked one out for you to save you some severe thinking) and let's see just how much verbal diarrhea you can spew forth in the course of a day. It should if nothing else..keep 'you' entertained anyway.

You really have no 'sense' or instinct for the truth do you Anon..add that to your distasteful nature..and what do you get..a very lonely person who wishes they could fit in..anywhere but with themselves.

You reek of jealousy...take the mask off and get in the game

Tui..there's an assinine-ANON-asshole born every second I'm afraid.

Pity eh.

Hang in sweetie {{{hugs}}} for you and a nose rub's for the ex-flea bitten varmint of a kitty. (meant in an edearing way).


2:14 PM  
Blogger Mary Blackchurch said...

PS. Great post by the way.

3:01 PM  
Blogger tui said...

Thanks Mary... you're the best...

4:36 PM  
Blogger Too Dark Park said...

Hey Tui..

what an amazing post... beautiful.

and don't worry about irrelevant comments from Anon...

i've ran into people like him/herself before in life... usually they seem to be to be the people that would fall into a severe addiction themselves, given the right introduction, or probably are already addicted to something, and don't really realize it.

either way.. there obviously in no position to comment on anything in life with that kind of an outlook.

do what you do best...
go home, flip on your television and tune out you stupid motherfucker.

1:21 PM  
Blogger Maria said...

I'm new...I have not read all you entries. I can say from my experience with drugs that guilt is linked to the crave for excitement. That link is really interesting... Secrecy, past, blame...It is the same reason many people feel free to demand things from you. Specially when you feel weak.
Think about it...Just a thought.
Take care.

1:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

what a lot of idiots you collect here.
almost makes you think you're a writer, doesn't it?
well, think again.

5:29 PM  

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