I need to find the same excitement drugs gives me, in something else. Sex is good, but that hasn't been part of my life for a long time. My boyfriend can't have an erection unless he's sick, and then things are too sensitive to be fun. I've never found anyting that equals the thrill of heroin. Heroin, my best friend, my lover. That moment of releasing loveliness and safety into my veins, feeling it swoop to my fingertips, tasting it on my tongue. Like slipping under the surface of a warm bath, scented and soft. Distanced from the world. Muting everything. I love swimming underwater, feeling the pressure against my skin, a noiseless world, hair swirling behind me. I never want to come up for air. I would stay down there forever if I could. It's going to be a painful break up.