Monday, September 11, 2006


I ruined all my dolls by cutting their hair, and in some cases, applying 'make-up' (felt pen) as well. I remember trying to trim the cats hair, off the top of her head. I've always cut my fingernails too low, so they hurt. Evening them up, until there's nothing left. Cut, cut, cut.

My mother's best friend confided in me that she didn't know what to do, her daughter (17) had just destroyed the brand new laundry basket with a pair of scissors. Why? The daughter's only explanation was that the scissors were in her hand and she felt like cutting something. I know exactly how she feels. Of course I didn't tell her mother that. I just let her tut on for a bit, It seemed easier than expaining why.

There's something about cutting that thing you shouldn't. The before seperated by the after. Capturing time and making your mark. And the feeling. The moment the blades meet. The different texture, the way a phone cord, for example, would roll a bit, before scissor teeth squished it too much and the rubbery blunting would finish with the gristle of wires. Almost like cutting a limb off, I imagine. Which I have imagined actually, quite frequently.

But there's one thing that really makes me want to cut more than anything. It's a longer than usual ponytail. Someone elses, when seen from behind. Chunky or thin, swirly or wispy. Split ends. In a braid, whatever. If I have a pair of scissors in my hands I have to keep my distance. Watch out.


Blogger monicker said...

I had a fascination with cutting hair for a while...luckily it was my sister's hair, and it was mostly to remove gum, melted crayons, knots and whatnot. My poor mom was destroyed each time I hacked of a hank of my sister's gorgeous hair.

8:03 PM  
Blogger Lx said...

when i was a teen, i went to work on my wrists and forearms and chest. with a knife. and quite often.

6:41 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

As I read the post I thought the same thing el charolastra did. Wrists, forearms, ankles, abdomen, you name it I cut it. I did eventually stop, after a long and uphill battle, but there is something about cutting. . . So much of what you said is aplicable to this kind of cutting- the desire just to CUT. SOMETHING. That you shouldn't. I.e., your own flesh. The before and after, the marks. . . An addiction of a different kind.

6:28 PM  
Blogger tui said...

I never even thought of flesh, I only discovered that it was common, especially for teens, a few years ago. I'm glad. I don't think I would I have tried it. But once you know something exists, it's a possibility.

9:01 PM  
Blogger Lx said...

for me, they were war wounds.
much more ballsy than tatoos.
i have some scars left.
just reminds me some of the shit times i survived.
but yea...not very smart.

6:23 AM  
Blogger flic said...

But there's one thing that really makes me want to cut more than anything. It's a longer than usual ponytail. Someone elses, when seen from behind.

Don't make any noise when you approach. And cut slowly but quickly. And make sure that you label later what you got!

3:12 PM  
Anonymous haveyouseenthisgirl said...

god damm tui. I've only just discovered your blog and I'm reading it back to front. Half the links you've included I've bookmarked. Your personality is coming across so strongly.

And I just had to comment on the cutting thing. I remember cutting into the pair of velvet curtains in my bedroom - you know you shouldn't but once you have the scissors in your hand they have to cut something. It's a compulsion...

6:13 PM  

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