NO GOLD STAR
How clean is clean? My roommate returned, from 3 weeks away, and flipped out at me. The odd thing, I'd swept and mopped every few days, cleaning surfaces, wiping light switches, fridge doors, dishwasher handles constantly and thoroughly. I feel like I must be crazy. I was excited for her to be home, just for the appreciation of how well I'd kept the house. My intuition didn't give me a whisper. I've never been good at being told off, or criticized. Always a goody goody, teacher's pet, daddy's girl. It's still inside me, a wound. Drugs help me care less. They file off the edges, if you know what I mean.
posted by tui at 11:41 PM
8 Comments:
Perception is so weird sometimes Tui..be it our or someone else's. First off I think it was shitty of her to express her 'whatever' right off the bat..there's a way to comprimise and get ones point across without being so aggresive. I used to be a clean freak..way so..but age has allowed me to appreciate the more important things in life. Like a room mate who is happy to see you come home.
Now I don't freak at a few misplaced items and a little dirt. As my mom always says..how else would we build resistances to germs. *smile*
I understand how it made you feel bad..would've me too. But hon if you did your best and it wans't good enough for Miss Suzie Homemaker..well that's on her..not you. I hope you stand up for yourself here and let her know exactly how she made you feel..cause it wasn't cool. Otherwise this could be a bone of contention in the making.
Have a sit-down and agree to a chore list and what's what..anything above and beyond the norm..well maybe she should hire a cleaning women. If she's got a the 'clean freak' phobia going on it's unfair to ask you to live up to her expectations of 'clean.'
Thoughts are with
Mary
x0x0x
Sometimes surfaces only seem like they're clean.
I feel for you Tui. When I was pregnant with my first, I had two roomates that were awful and never cleaned up. However, they felt that because I made a "mistake" by getting pregnant, that it was my "retribution" to clean up after them. They laid around on the sofa all day, skipping classes, getting up long enough to heat up a burrito in the microwave and then leaving the portion that was not consumed right where they were eating it; by ths sofa or on the floor. I was confronted by the most vocal on my way out with friends and I stood up for myself. It sucks when you have great intentions and someone else doesn't see it that way. Unfortunately with me, once a bridge has been burned NOBODY can cross it. You seem to be a bit more open minded and should take Mary's advise and sit down and have a heart to heart with her. Maybe she will be more apt to listen now that she's cooled down.
Ugh, I hate roommates. Most of them were crap till I moved in with my boyfriend. There's just no dealing with some people. Sorry have to deal with that.
You've defintely described a strange state of mind I enter a lot -- the fear of not being good enough or the gold star. God, I spent so much of my life reaching for it and avoiding anything else less. I admire how directly you get to things that are really hard to articulate. I also understand how the drugs help. Great post, Tui!
Thanks everyone, Your comments are all so helpful and insightful. It makes me feel way better listenig to your perspectives. To be honest, I knew I'd be living with a diva, she has these tendencies at work too, I just didn't realize she'd be THIS intense... and all in the first evening. The oddest thing was that the house is much cleaner now than the way she left it- the way it was before I moved in, if my boyfriend wasn't my witness, I would think I was losing my mind. Not one item is out of place, it's so sparse it could be a hotel...
she sounds a bit bitter to me..
after coming home from a 3 week trip back to see your roomate that you haven't seen in weeks.. you get angry with her? thats totally weird..
don't take it personally Tui.. some people will always be ignorant.
Room-mates are pretty brutal. I lived with a few best friends & it took a couple years for our friendship to recover! People are just selfish i think & so controlling (i'm speaking of them of course, not me! (:
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