Friday, September 15, 2006


I dreamt last night I was in a dangerous place. The men had moustaches and the women were too young to be pregnant, dark skinned, beautiful. I'm not such a good shot, but I managed to kill a lot of people. I'm practised at hiding, but as the shadows get closer and the air changes, it's scary, I won't lie. Every night I get drenched with other people's blood. But at least I don't wake up crying anymore.

Something is wrong. Everything is sharper, but so sharp it cuts. Sometimes I wonder if anything is inside me. It doesn't feel like it. I feel very cold. And very empty. It's hard to explain.


Anonymous Anonymous said...


As in bang-on. Damn that was a sweet piece of writing, I can see how you make the coin to almost carry the habit (as in, no addict can ever carry the whole habit, it always expands to use you).

As in, (for non-addicts) how can you wonder how some people can sort of support a habit and still kick ass professionally?

If you are more than your addiction, you always have to wonder, what is the Real You.

Mind you, I am fairly fucked up and Using right now.

Not Tiu's drug of choice, to be sure, but fuckd up all the same.


5:08 AM  
Blogger Lx said...

yeaaaaa....that didn't make any sense.
next time.

6:30 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Straight now.

Don't care to explain, but will stand by it, incoherent tho it may be.

I know I'm going to worry about Tui alot now, having stumbled into her blog and read it all. I don't know why seeing someone intelligent and insightful engage in self destructive behaviour is sadder than watching someone stupid and oblivious do so, but it is.

Maybe because it is so obvious to themselves what is happening, sliding down anyway with their eyes wide open to it all the way.

Well, its better than watching yourself do the same I suppose, well for me anyway. It is easier to worry about someone else than yourself I suppose.

Tui, you are an angel in a dangerous place, I hope you make it out one day, and in the meantime that too much degradation doesn't happen to you. If you keep on posting, I will keep on reading. And making no judgments about you at all.

And damn that really was a good piece.


(sorry, gotta keep anonymous, I have my own respectable blog and professional life)

8:04 PM  
Blogger Lx said...

then of course there's always the chance that "Tui" is just an aspiring writer leading you by the nose and getting off on your concerns. there is that.

10:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"there is that"

Indeed there is. That's about half the fun, isn't it?



4:39 AM  
Blogger Michelle's Spell said...

Beautiful piece of writing, Tui. I'm in awe of the skill and sending all good thoughts for you personally!

10:20 AM  
Blogger monicker said...

Some dreams are so vivid...I rarely remember enough worth writing about.

8:27 PM  
Blogger tui said...

My dreams are so vivid I drag them around with me, all the next day. Thanks for all your nice comments.

11:58 PM  

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