After the rush

1. I had a fit and a spoon. I'd just met my dealer on the street corner. Now, where to shoot up? Let me explain. As soon as it's in your pocket, $30 bucks worth or $300, you're miss adrenalin. Stomach so excited you're retching. It has to be done quickly. That's why people share a fit with someone they know has hep, or worse. It's the moment that makes nothing else matter. Pizza store. I had $1.50. "Fries please.. but first, a bathroom..." The greek owner pointed out the back. I got out my spoon, I scraped in my h from its little packet. I was almost ready. I turned my head looking for water. But there wasn't a sink. The only water in the room was in the toilet cistern. I lifted off the ceramic lid, the cistern was as clean as you'd expect from a dollar pizza place. I gagged. I filled my syringe and talked to god.

2. We were poor, really really poor. I needed my methadone badly. I paid in 3 rolls of pennies (that's right 300 of them) and nickels and dimes and quarters. It takes two hours to work, so I slumped home to wait in bed to feel better. Ten minutes later I ran to the kitchen covering my mouth. Pulled a pot from the shelf and puked into it. I hadn't eaten in hours. I could taste the methadone mixed with bile as it came out. I sat there and cried. My boyfriend called the pharmacy. They offered me two tylenol with codeine. What a joke. I strained the bright yellow vomit. I poured it into a wine glass, and I drank it.