Thursday, May 25, 2006

After the rush

1. I had a fit and a spoon. I'd just met my dealer on the street corner. Now, where to shoot up? Let me explain. As soon as it's in your pocket, $30 bucks worth or $300, you're miss adrenalin. Stomach so excited you're retching. It has to be done quickly. That's why people share a fit with someone they know has hep, or worse. It's the moment that makes nothing else matter. Pizza store. I had $1.50. "Fries please.. but first, a bathroom..." The greek owner pointed out the back. I got out my spoon, I scraped in my h from its little packet. I was almost ready. I turned my head looking for water. But there wasn't a sink. The only water in the room was in the toilet cistern. I lifted off the ceramic lid, the cistern was as clean as you'd expect from a dollar pizza place. I gagged. I filled my syringe and talked to god.

2. We were poor, really really poor. I needed my methadone badly. I paid in 3 rolls of pennies (that's right 300 of them) and nickels and dimes and quarters. It takes two hours to work, so I slumped home to wait in bed to feel better. Ten minutes later I ran to the kitchen covering my mouth. Pulled a pot from the shelf and puked into it. I hadn't eaten in hours. I could taste the methadone mixed with bile as it came out. I sat there and cried. My boyfriend called the pharmacy. They offered me two tylenol with codeine. What a joke. I strained the bright yellow vomit. I poured it into a wine glass, and I drank it.


Anonymous Mary said...

Your honesty is indeed one of your strongest points Tui..I dare say it will eventually set you free little one.

Stay well

11:49 AM  
Anonymous KEL said...

Oh sweet. My klinic will give us a make up if we bring in the spilled or in this case remains of the first. So sorry yo had to do this. What freaks me out in one of those junky documentaries I saw these kids drawing up out of the toliet. Now in the US you cannot have a resturant or public bathroom, or privite with food preparation, without a sink and running water. You can't get your business license. So these kids were choosing the toliet, yuk! I agree with Mary, you will be set free. Why do I say that? You are too beautiful to stay locked in junkie hell. BTW, you have a famous face, I mean you look like a famous person, not one in particular but just a celebrity in general, tres chic my love.

11:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

your honesty humbles me. i've been there, too. i don't live like that any more. i'm thinking of you as you struggle these days.

8:07 PM  

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