Open your fucking eyes

I thought I'd paid my rent. I thought my money card was lost.

I found out yesterday my boyfriend had stolen my card and took out the rent money he knew I had carefully saved so the cheque wouldn't bounce. To make matters worse- it was two months rent. Yesterday he took an additional 200 bucks out because I just got paid. I have a new card now. With a new pin.

All this makes me sick to my stomach. I feel betrayed. I had my methadone meeting today. I met my new nurse. She is a butch lesbian and very strict, she makes dumb jokes and laughs heartily at them. She also repeats herself a lot. But she was spot on about him.

She told me to get him out and change the locks. I told her that he breaks in anyway sometimes. If he forgets the keys or something, even though it's on the second story, he climbs up the wall and onto the balcony, where I have a door he can jimmy open. She said to call the police if he breaks in.

It's just so damn hard. His excuses, his eyes. But I'm used to it now, and I know it won't get better. It's definately getting worse. He is jeopardising my apartment intentionally, because he wants me to move in with him. He fucked my account balance again, even though he heard me budgeting carefully down to the last dollar. He knows how my debt is on a tightrope right now. I'm barely keeping my head above water. I can't cover two months rent right now, I just can't.

Sorry, I'll stop complaining. I've complained for too long and done nothing. Now it's my own fault.
In better news, my presentation at work went great. I dread weekends. I'd never leave this place if had the choice. I'm so safe here, from all the shit in my life. But it's 4:12pm Friday. So I'm going to leave and get high. And I'll feel okay about all of this. In fact, I'll feel just fine.