Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Serious & REALISTIC goals

1. Live alone, just me and the puss (in 1 1/2 months max)

2. There are two paths ahead of me. One is loveliness on top and destructive and depressing underneath. The other is cold and hard on the top with loveliness inside. I have to grit my teeth and go for the loveliness inside. (No more heroin from today, methadone only)

3. Meditate when I'm craving

4. Make art again (starting today!!)

5. Start yoga (in 1 month max)

6. Promotion and 10k payrise (Feb 2007)

7. Debt-free (by March 2007)

8. This time next year be way off methadone. Not even think about drugs (May 2007) yeah yeah!!!!

9. Be off anti-depressants (May 2007)

10. Be holding a baby and be deliciously pure and happy. Be completely independent whether I have a lover or not. (by 2010)

Now I have someone (well, all of you) to do it for, to prove myself to, I can do it. Wait and see. (Fuck number 1 and 2 are scary) But I know inside I can do it.


Blogger tui said...

P.S. Despite what my goals suggest, I am NOT a big hippy. I just need to clean out my mind and focus on beauty. It's the depression that always kills my plans to get clean. I need healthy new habits to help me get stronger.

12:35 PM  
Blogger Stargazer said...

Someone I love very very much is in the process of getting clean. It hasn't been easy, but it is so worth it. The life that you can find without drugs is a millionfold better than the existence you lead before. Have faith, trust yourself and know that if you can do this you can do anything.

12:53 PM  
Blogger tui said...

Thank you

12:57 PM  
Blogger Cty said...

Best of luck, Tui. It sounds like you've got a lot of hard work ahead to achieve your goals, but I'm sure you can do it. It seems (from your archives) that you've been wanting change for a while now; I'm glad you've laid out a plan and I hope it all works out exactly as you want.


1:08 PM  
Anonymous bluegroupmember said...

Awesome targets...anything we can do tp help then let us know...

5:22 PM  
Blogger tui said...

Bluegroupmember, (and anyone else) check up on me and give me shit if I screw up. It's okay. I need it. Thanks..

5:36 PM  
Anonymous KEL said...

Hey sweet. GO FOR IT! Treat getting clean like work, no excuses just do it. I am on methadone as well. Go up in dose if you are craving. I am with you all the way.

6:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Tui, i do alot of motivational talks to school kids over here in australia and the biggest thing I talk about is goal setting. Really proud of you taking the first step and setting out really clear, concise achievable goals. Not one of them is easy but not beyond you either. BTW im going to be one of those people that kick ur bum if you renig. You need to do this. Good luck.

7:50 PM  
Blogger tui said...

Thank you everyone. Your support really helps, I don't have anyone in 'real' life here to confide in.

10:28 AM  
Anonymous sickgirl said...

You can do it, of this I have absolute faith. Hey, if I can then...

Good luck and you know that I am always here for you!

2:35 PM  
Blogger Justine said...

I'm with everyone who is rallying around (this was two days ago -- hope you are hanging on all right!). I noticed you're subject to depression. I am, too, but it took me several DECADES (!) to twig to that being a fact of life.

Denying it was doing no good, god knows. But, Tui, we ALL gotta get to the place where we see that it is a chemical thing, same as your craving. Unlike the crave, though, the chemical of choice to fix the depression is not only legal but also damned effective. (Mine are Zoloft and Wellbutrin, but it depends on little stuff which is best...)

So, since not all h programs are built around depression, you do really need to look at that separately, I believe.

Warmest wishes! Do it, kiddo! Hugs, Justine

8:57 PM  
Blogger dave said...

for some reason i thing 3,4 and 5 are going to be the most helpfull.
i hope you reach your goals tui.

8:41 AM  
Blogger tui said...

Thanks. You all are wonderful-
Justine, I'm on Paxil, and it helps a lot. I got really depressed after my best friemd killed himself. I started using not long after, I think this is the big thing I have to deal with. I just have no idea how.

9:10 AM  
Blogger tui said...

GOAL 11: Carry this list around in my pocket, until I remember it by heart.

9:12 AM  
Anonymous mary said...

Talk about it sweetie..that's the best way to deal with a loss such as that..at least it has been for me..that and what you believe in spiritually.

People are here for you.

And Kel is right..if you still cave..go up on the juice..that's key.

12:00 PM  
Anonymous mary said...


12:01 PM  

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