Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Cleanliness

I crawl out of bed. Up stairs. Float in the bath. Float under. Swallow pills. Pink ones, yellow ones, white, two-tone, speckled. Feel everything. Intense lust. Relief. Something.

I can feel the methadone creeping out of my bones, slowly, very very slowly.

I look different, acquaintances say. Have you done something new with your hair?

Life sparkles again, sometimes hurting my eyes, but I can't look away. Tomorrows are coming, ready or not.

4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh Tui....
You're a totally amazing woman. I stumbled onto your blog a few days ago, stumbling blindly in my excitement at finding again, another blogger with gorgeous sexy poetic prose, who links to you.

The first post I read was the triumphant 'stop feeling sorry for me' one, I went back and read from the beginning, I'm not sure i could have done that if I hadn't known you were going to come through into the sunshine again. Reading so much pain in such a short time is a dark, oppressive experience.

But the writing, your writing girl, just shines. Sometimes I was so excited by the beauty of the writing I took a moment to register the pain it expressed. Someday you could (and I think should) publish this, very much in its original diary style blog format. Eloquence, humour, distinctive seductive style...

I'm so pleased for you and proud of you. I don't know you, but I'm so so glad you've come back from a really shadowy place

I'll keep reading, I'm excited to see what the future holds for you.

I get the feeling that work might become important for you before very long?

If I may be so bold as to offer advice; when you do start working setup your pay so that it goes into an account you can't get to too easily, and have a weekly living allowance transfered into your regular account- stops money you shouldn't touch burning a hole i find.

Thinking of you with love in my heart
Kate

9:02 AM  
Blogger IVY said...

"Life sparkles again, sometimes hurting my eyes, but I can't look away. "

Wow.
I'm curious exactly what pills you took, though obviously to most readers the affect is heightened by not knowing, and most readers wouldnt care. Me, however, I want to know.. The names of each one, the properties of each, so I can delve even farther into your world.

The sentence about something hurting your eyes really really captures a bit of withdrawal for me.. which is hard to do. Capture withdrawal, that is.

10:48 PM  
Blogger tui said...

ivy,

....diazepam, temazepam, clonidine, zopiclone, anti-nausea, anti-diarrhea, multi-vitamins, multi-minerals, calcium, omegas...

t

5:25 PM  
Blogger IVY said...

oh shit. just clonidine and diazepam together is enough!!! throw in the anti-nausea and anti-diarrhea (never even heard of that one) and VITAMINS? FOR KICKS? and you are... well, probably many different things in differing directions trying to be one thing but unable to sustain yourself.

1:00 AM  

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