Tuesday, March 27, 2007

To forget

It's this time of day.
The sweaty minutes. Dripping cold and hot.
Don't look at certain things. Don't listen to others. Hold onto the railing, tight.
Stomach falling sickly. Food, another enemy.
So insanely impatiant. Yet carefully looking no further than this evening. The gaping void of life, arms wide open ahead of me. I catch sight of it sometimes, if I turn too slow. That's the scary part.
I'd found the cure- to everything. A happiness potion I have to forget.

7 Comments:

Anonymous Yoshi said...

Tui baby!

It's Yoshi! Long time, no see beautiful.

Are you back living in NZ? or Australia?

Email me, Youique@hotmail.com or add me to MSN. I want to chat!

I'm ok! Life is good.

Babe, switching from Methadone to Bupe is hard. Even on a low dose. I tried it and after 2 days of hell, switched back.

You should stick with the Methadone and taper down and down and down.

Email me! I want to hear from you.

xxx
Yoshi (Josh)

7:10 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

stay strong, TUI.

8:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sucks, doesn't it.

This is really where you start to earn gold stars, and boy they taste yummy, going down.

I jammed there twice, myself, broke the whole thing.

What you are doing is very hard, and hurts a lot, and is no fun at all at the time, and not even fun to brag about after, because one set will hate you for it and the other set will take it as a normal given, and not appreciate the bloody heroics.

Me, I always did better when it really hurt, I felt I was getting somewhere if there was pain and suffering involved. Painless detox just feels wrong.

What always killed the effort was when the bad part ended, and I wasn't suffering anymore. Then it was all too easy, and I gave up. Took a bunch of tries to learn the secret to the next step.

Well, as a coach said to me once: "pain is the sensation of weakness leaving the body." Bullshit, but a useful way to think sometimes.

Sorry to be anonymous, but I really have to.

7:34 PM  
Blogger EMOB said...

It's been a difficult journey to travel with you through...all this time...I guess it's nothing in light of what you have to face each day. You're brave and beautiful. Just remember you have people rooting for you. Even if they're "blurkers" like me.

3:33 PM  
Anonymous mary said...

Whatever you do..however you do it..remember this is 'your' path Tu..you can do no wrong.

That may sound all esoteric and bullshit like..nonetheless..at the end of any given day..it's still the truth.

7:23 AM  
Blogger Lx said...

mmmm, temptation...
such a double-edged bastard.
hello again.
got to you through J's site.

12:03 PM  
Blogger Ben said...

It brings to mind that song from Morphine (Cure for Pain). I can't seem to get it out of my head either. This blows.

Ben

1:52 PM  

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