Thursday, June 29, 2006

Missing myself

So, my home is as far away as it can get. The very opposite of the Earth. There is a winding country road, with paddocks that stretch to the sky. The mirages the sun makes on the tarseal, the neighbours houses that I grew up in, that I know by heart. There is the house with the big garden, the verandah, the smell of my mother's hair. The hammocks that swing in the salty breeze, the crash of the waves. The insects singing in the trees. That is so far away, in every way. I wanted to go for a month, in January. I haven't been back for three years, or more. But how? Being sick the whole time? Actually yes. I'm deciding this as I write it, but I know it's the only way out. I'll quit methadone two weeks or so before I go. I'll reduce myself on h. Then, I'll get on a plane and go cold turkey. I'll arrive, pretend to be sick. Recover. Be well. It's the only way. Maybe I won't even come back. If I try to take methadone over there, my parents will find out. I'll be listed as a drug user, unable to adopt the baby that I need- just in case. It will mess up everything. Fuck. This is a strange dream. I wish I could wake up.


Anonymous Mary said...

Hi Tu..dreams are a trip sometimes..oftentimes

You know you may not have to cross any borders with could ask them to get in touch with a clinic over there and do the visitor thing. It's basically a request and letter of introduction from your clinic to them. I've tried the way you want to do it too many tiems to count or mention may want a back-up plan.

Here's a link for clinics around the world (OZ is there).

PS. Did you get rid of your babies fleas? Can be very dangerous eventually..they get anemic or worse. I frigging hate parasites. There are many good products available..just make sure your little guy is healthy..and DON'T over use the flea stuff can kill them. So many people douse them with a whole bottle or worse..they just need what's perscribed for weight.

If youw ant to skip washing everything..just throw it all in a green garbage bag and they have this spray everything in it..then close the bag for 24 hours and voila..fleas begone!

But I guess you'd have to wash everything afterwards nix that one.

Are you having him fixed? He should start to spray here pretty soon if I recall he's around 6 months now right? Have you noticed any worms in his stool or that he may have upchucked? Asking cause I'm such a cat fanatic..and he sounds liek a little doll..a terror doll but a doll nonetheless. I'm glad you have him..and he has you it ='s {{{love}}} in the purest sense of the word. Or so think I.

Take care sweetie..I'm off to pull mine apart now as I type.

6:53 PM  

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