Friday, December 29, 2006

Home

Sweet, milky air, growing into the nooks and crannies of my lungs, swelling them, smooth gulps of big happiness. Smiling flower faces, petals, butterflies swooping, birds with grins, singing, cheery blues and greens and deeper green, the happy shades of nature, a carefully styled musical, glad-hearted surreality.

And the voices. My own voice, back at me. No puzzled, blank stares. No lame guesses at origin, Swedish? Russian? What the hell?
Slow-talkers, kind, ridiculously helpful. I love it. And for the first time, it's mine. The place I'd cringed away from, the uneducated, suave-less lilt and naive stumblings. I belong here.
Embarrassed, I'd tried to shrug it off. Trying to trade it for exotica, anything from a movie, passionate, dark excitement. New York skin rashes, heroin dealers on subway landings, sex with strangers. Veins messy scars of numbness and weird twinges. A skinny blonde girl with an odd accent, a nothing, just a smudge in an impatient, irritated culture, monosyllabic grunts, slammed phones. Angry money-hungry, ripping you off fuckers, grinding you under their heel, just to be an inch higher for a second, blocking the tiny-penis/ non-orgasming wife/ chubby child complex.

It feels so good, way down here, at the end of the world. In with my own. What a realisation. These are real people. Being nice, because they're nice. Not wanting anything from you. Eye contact. Screwed up, for sure, but not pretending to be any other way, laughing at themselves, instead of you. I'd underestimated them. Us.

8 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Home sweet home.

3:20 PM  
Blogger Too Dark Park said...

im glad you went. you need this. nice to be home isn't it?

6:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Birds with grins, i love it. Happy new years.

2:09 AM  
Anonymous Teh Kiwi Kid said...

Welcome home Tui.
If you make it to the to the South, down where they roll their rrrr's there is a place where you'll find a friend and a cup of coffee.
Stay awhile and heal yourself. Body mind and soul.
This is the place.

6:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Salud and Happy 2007, Tui! Are you done with North America?

11:30 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This reads like you stepped from the shadows into the sunlight. I am so genuinely happy for you - all the best in the New Year, Tui!
-eric

12:39 PM  
Blogger The Very Reverend Ace Clemmons, Jr. said...

Happy '07 2 you tui!!!

Ace

12:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Happy New Years Babe.

You fucking made it. Right - now fucking stay there. It's going to worth it, the world waits at your feet.

Forget the shame of others and do what you have to do, to live through this. You have the way, you have just found the powers.

I'll be checking on you.
Be good you little gorgeous cunt.

6:52 PM  

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